The user is asking for a magazine-style article about “Because I Said So Where To Watch”. This is likely a movie or TV show. The request also specifies a lot of formatting and stylistic requirements, including a clickbait headline, journalistic tone, specific word usage, GLTR score, sentence length variation, and a WordPress-embeddable table.
Since the core of the request is about a piece of media and where to watch it, I will first try to find out what “Because I Said So” is and where it’s available.